'Shouldn't we get beyond self-love?' 

As-salaamu'aliakum (Peace and blessings),

I'm reaching out to share something I saw in my social media feed this morning, Muslims effectively asking: “Why all this focus on self-love? Shouldn’t we be focusing on Allah?”

I’m going to be very honest. Seeing this question posted and shared by people I love and respect—my sisters in faith—breaks my heart. But I get it. We want our sisters and brothers to focus on centering Allah in their life instead of the self. 

I do, too, as do all striving believers.
Which begs the question: Do we really need all these self-love affirmations to thrive? Shouldn’t we be focusing on spiritual affirmations from the Sunnah (like our daily adhkaar)?

The answer is a resounding “YES” to BOTH questions.

Here’s why:

Affirmations about self-love are about healing deep emotional wounds wherein people were taught they were not enough, that they didn’t matter, or that they are not worthy of happiness or love in this world. These affirmations have absolutely nothing to do with centering the self to replace our Merciful Creator as the center of our lives.

So many of us—especially women—have experienced Islam, God, and religion as a way to shame us AWAY from self-love. So, I find it deeply heartbreaking that so many spiritual teachers, Muslim leaders, and social influencers don’t see how very NEEDED these self-love affirmations are for healing hurting souls. 

Especially for survivors of spiritual abuse. 
Especially for those who were taught in their homes, cultures, or communities that centering the love of Allah means abandoning the love of self.

Yes, we absolutely need du'aa, adkhaar, and other spiritual affirmations to truly heal and love ourselves. However, discussing healing affirmations as inherently against centering God is about as logical as discussing healing treatments like surgery, taking black seed, or eating healthy foods as against centering God, just because you didn't hear someone explicitly mention Allah when they posted the benefits of these treatments and lifestyles. 

Dear soul, remember this: Our faith is rooted in ikhlaas, which is having a heart that is in constant remembrance of Allah and seeking to please Him. For this reason, it is not necessary to explicitly say things like, "I'm posting about the benefits of exercise and healthy eating, but please don't worship your body and food instead of Allah!"

By the mercy of Allah, I myself have always had Allah as the center of my life and I do my daily adhkaar (spiritual affirmations of dhikr), as I have for years. Yet still, self-love affirmations help me with shukr (sincere gratefulness), loving myself as a believer, and healing into the best version of who my Merciful Rabb created me to be, bi’idhnillaah.

These self-love affirmations remind me that loving myself is an essential part of loving Allah, that thinking well of myself is an essential part of thinking well of my Merciful Rabb, and that there is absolutely no contradiction between centering Allah in my life alongside self-love.

Alhamdulillaah, so many of us (myself included) have always had Allah as our center. Yet still, we are healing from deep emotional and spiritual wounds that taught us (directly or indirectly) that self-abandonment is righteousness, that shrinking yourself is humility, and that denying your beauty, talents, and self-worth—especially while serving and pleasing your spouse or family—is somehow what it means to center Allah in your life.

And here's the result today:
It is harming so many souls. 
It is breaking so many hearts. 
And it is pushing so many hurting souls away from the deen, our beautiful spiritual way of life.

And it needs to stop.

So, no we don’t need to “get beyond self-love.” 

We need to get beyond the pain of self-abandonment.
We need to get beyond the harm of shrinking ourselves.
We need to get beyond deepening the wounds that disrupt our emotional and spiritual health.
We need to get beyond religious rhetoric that teaches us that loving God means denying ourselves any meaningful happiness, abundance, or love in this world.

And this requires a healing path that focuses on loving oneself. 
Not instead of loving God. 
But because this love of self—as manifested through nurturing the soul, emotionally and spiritually—is precisely what it means to center God in your life.
May our Merciful Creator inspire in you healthy self-love, always, and may it forever draw you closer to Him in this world and in the Hereafter.

Courtesy: Your sister in faith and hope,
Umm Zakiyyah 
Need support on your journey of healing and self-love? Join us at uzhearthub.com